Protecting Children During the Holidays
The holidays can be a time of excitement, laughter, surprises and making memories with our family and close friends. It can also be a time of added stress with parties to attend, decorations to place in just the right spot and lights to make them glisten…and then there is shopping, shopping and more shopping. This year, with Covid-19 restrictions, we may find that we must adapt how we celebrate the holidays. Families may be gathering in smaller numbers. School functions and church programs may be held only virtually. It is likely to be a different season for all of us.
As the holiday season begins, we get excited about all the festivities – wrapping gifts, baking all the homemade goodies, preparing for family gatherings - whatever the size. This is a perfect time to make your child’s safety a top priority. Children are at higher risk of being abused during the holidays. Parents can be distracted by the activities of the season, leaving children vulnerable. In the child sexual abuse training, Stewards of Children, we learn that 90% of children know their abuser. Many times, it is a close friend or family member. Giving children the tools to keep themselves safe, to trust their gut and alert a trusted adult when something just doesn’t feel quite right is the greatest gift we can give them. It doesn’t have to be a big, scary conversation.
Here are some tips to make this conversation a little easier:
If you are gathering with family and/or friends, prepare your child beforehand. Have conversations with them about their personal boundaries. There are many body safety books that you can read, even with young children. Go to https://www.indianaprevention.org/child-sexual-abuse-resources for suggestions.
Establish healthy boundaries. Reinforce to children that their bodies belong to them and they decide what they want their boundaries to be for their bodies. Reassure them that THEY can decide if they are comfortable with hugs and kisses and it’s OK to politely say no. It is important for children to have that autonomy and ownership of their boundaries.
Come up with a code word. Decide in advance on a word or phrase that would let you know that your child feels uncomfortable in a situation. Establish that if the child says the word or phrase that you’ll immediately remove them from the situation. Children are not always comfortable sharing this in a group setting or may be fearful that the person will be angry with them
Be aware. People who groom children for abuse will absolutely do so in the presence of others. They may play games like hide and seek, human jungle gym, tickle fights, etc. If the child seems uncomfortable, or their body boundaries are not being respected, you have the right to step in and advocate for that child…not just your own children, but any child.
I try to make the holidays about gratitude…not just for the gifts under the tree, but for my friends, family, and blessings. This year of trials has made that even more important. These are trying times folks, but there is always something to be thankful for. I am grateful to YOU for allowing us to partner with you to provide this necessary education to your children. I am grateful for the team of dedicated staff and volunteers that do this work. I am grateful we live in a time where we can talk about the safety of children in a meaningful way. I am hopeful for a future where protecting children is valued and practiced by us all.
We cannot do what we do without support from our community. Your generosity is felt and appreciated by all of us. The children we serve are the direct beneficiaries. Please consider making a gift to our mission this holiday season. You might even be eligible to receive a tax benefit. The CARES Act made a provision for a new one-time above-the-line $300 charitable deduction. Every gift matters. Just forgoing one cup of coffee per month covers the cost of materials for two adults to be trained in sexual abuse or suicide prevention. Go to https://www.indianaprevention.org/know-more-4-no-more or text #NOMORE to 44-321 to donate today.
As you begin preparing for those holiday gatherings, regardless of size of gathering or those in attendance, letting your child know that you are their advocate is of utmost of importance. Holidays are special times that lead to memories that last a lifetime. Choose to allow those memories to be positive memories that will last a forever.
Happy Holidays from all of us at ICPYAS!